Starting Out

I am embarking on an adventure, of sorts.  It is an adventure defined by negative affirmation – the knowing where I do not want to be rather than the where I want to go.  I know what I do not want: I do not want this – the fear of not saying how I feel, the not-trying to be me (whoever that is). 

This trip of mine has been planned for many years.  For longer than I care to admit I have tried to ignore the suitcases packed in the corner of my mind’s eye.  Instead, I embarked on an odyssey of doing anything but what I should be doing; accountancy exams with the aim of making a fortune that cost me a fortune to complete.  My net gain is a wardrobe full of clothes that can only hide the longing for another life until night falls and, naked, I stand in front of the mirror to confront who I am.  And the more I earn, the more I spend.  I run on and on, scattering ten pound notes to cover my tracks so that the truth does not catch up with me; the truth being that I am, or rather was, not happy.

                                                                                                                            

I guess it comes down to this: When people meet me they always say, ‘You cannot be an accountant!’  I am, therefore, going to follow their advice...finally.

To this end, in October 2012 I embarked on a Master’s degree in the History of the West Midlands at the University of Birmingham.  When I made the decision to join the course I knew precisely why I was doing so.  I may have said at the time that I wanted a hobby - something to fill my time, but that was a big, fat, stonking lie.  I knew, as true as the sky I see is blue thanks to the filtering of the sun’s rays through the atmosphere that I would make a success of it; that I would want to take it further.  And so it has been proven so far, to the extent that with lots more hard work and careful planning I will embark on a PhD in the field as early as September 2014.  This ‘careful planning’ includes saving all of the aforementioned money so that I may take up to four years off work.  I have a date in my head for the day I leave accountancy - Friday 13^th December 2013 – and, as I am not superstitious, I have no fears in marking that box in my calendar with a large, black X. 

Yes, I realise that this date is well before I plan to start my doctorate, but I figure that I deserve some time to revel in the moment of saying goodbye.  I shall write, or rather continue to write, and take part in all those things I have missed because I locked myself deep inside an office; like a princess in a tower only I was the fire-breathing dragon also.  Ridiculous.

I have little or no idea whether this plan will result in an academic or literary career.  Both fields are intensely competitive and jealously guarded by the talented individuals within, hence my hesitation as to my destination.  However, I shall not starve.  I will always be able to work.  What is more my beautiful husband is entirely supportive of me.  When I spoke to him of my fears of not being successful he gave me the very title of this little blog.  He said to me, ‘Joanne, it does not matter where you end up.  It is the getting there that counts.  You are going on a journey and I shall be with you every step of the way.’

And so it shall be.  Would you like to join me?  If so, read on…